Act 3, Scene 1:
Enter Solanio and Salarino
Solanio: Hey what’s up?
Salarino: Well, there’s a rumor that Antonio had a ship carrying expensive cargo that shipwrecked in the English Channel on the Goodwin Sands, a very dangerous sandbar.
Solanio: Oh man I hope that’s not true!
Salarino: I hope that’s all he loses
Solanio: Same. Oh crap, here comes Shylock
Solanio: Hey man! What’s up?
Shylock: You knew my daughter was going to run away, didn’t you?
Salarino: Yeah… I even knew the guy who made her disguise
Solanio: And even you knew she wanted to leave the nest.
Shylock: She is damned for it.
Shylock: My own flesh and blood turned against me.
Salarino: But you guys are totally different. You guys couldn’t be more different than oil and water. But did you hear about Antonio’s ship?
Shylock: That’s another bad deal I’ve made! This spendthrift used to be so smug in front of everyone, now he’s gots nothing.
Salarino: But you won’t take his flesh if he can’t pay. What’s that good for?
Shylock: I can’t use it for anything but revenge. He’s laughed at my losses, made fun of my earnings, humiliated my race, thwarted my deals, turned my friends against me, riled up my enemies—and why? Because I’m a Jew. Aren’t we all the same though? If a Jew offends a Christian, what’s the Christian’s reaction? Revenge. If a Christian offends a Jew, what punishment will he come up with if he follows the Christian example? Of course, the same thing—revenge! I’ll treat him as badly as i’ve been treated!
Servant: Antonio is at his house and would like to speak to you both.
Salarino: Good, we’ve been looking for him everywhere.
Solanio: Here comes another Jew. You couldn’t find anyone like these two unless the devil himself turned into a Jew.
Exit Salarino, Solanio and Servant
Shylock: Hey Tubal, did you find my daughter?
Tubal: I couldn’t find her anywhere.
Shylock: Crap! One of the stolen diamonds cost me two thousand ducats in Frankfurt! I wish my daughter were dead at my feet wearing those jewels! I’ve spent more on finding them than how much I lost! Nobody suffers but me. Nobody’s crying except me.
Tubal: Well, other people have bad luck. Antonio’s ship sank coming from Tripolis.
Shylock: Wait, really?
Tubal: Yeah, I spoke with some of the sailors who survived the wreck.
Shylock: OH YEAH BABY!
Tubal: I also heard that your daughter spent eighty ducats in Genoa one night.
Shylock: OH MY GOD THAT MUCH ALL AT ONCE!!! (breathes in and out) But at least I can get Antonio now.
Tubal: she gave away a bunch of other stuff too, like a turquoise ring.
Shylock: THAT’S FROM HER MOTHER OMG!!!!! (breathing again) Ok, it’s ok. Go get some cops to arrest Antonio. Get him ready two weeks ahead of time.—I’ll take Antonio’s heart if he can’t pay. With him out of Venice, I can make whatever bargains I want when I lend money.
Act 3, Scene 3:
Enter Shylock, Solanio, Antonio and Jailer
Shylock: Jailer, watch out for this one. This is the fool who lent out money without charging interest. Keep an eye on him.
Antonio: Come on man!
Shylock: Since you treated me so awfully for no reason, I’m returning the favor. I’m getting my money back and the Duke will agree with me.
Antonio: Please listen to me!
Shylock: I won’t listen to you. I want my bond, so stop talking.
Solanio: Man, he’s stubborn.
Antonio: He wants me dead. I know the real reason. I’ve often given money to people who were unable to pay back their loans to him. That’s why he hates me.
Solanio: I’m sure the duke will never allow this contract to be enforced.
Antonio: The duke can’t deny the law, because that would threaten the security of all foreign merchants in Venice, and that’s how the city makes its money. I’ve lost so much weight worrying about my losses have that I’ll hardly have a pound of flesh to spare for my bloody creditor tomorrow. I really hope that Bassanio comes to see me pay his debt. After that, I don’t care what happens.
Act 2, Scene 1:
Enter Morocco, Portia, Nerissa, and Attendants
Morocco: Don’t hold my skin color against me. I was born and raised in the sun, which is why I’m dark-skinned. But I’m as red-blooded as any man. I’m telling you, madam, my skin color has made brave men fear me and Moroccan girls love me, but I will give it up for you.
Portia: Being good-looking isn’t the only way to my heart, you know. Not that it matters, because the box test takes away my free choice anyway. But if my father hadn’t restricted me like this, then you’d have had as good a chance to marry me as any of the suitors I’ve met so far.
Morocco: Thank you for saying that. I’ll think I’ll try the cases now. I’ll be braver than I have been in all my battles. But if I lose, I’d die of sadness.
Portia: You have to take your chances. Either don’t choose at all, or swear beforehand that if you choose incorrectly you’ll never talk about marriage to any woman again. Think about it carefully.
Morocco: Fine, I swear I won’t ever get married if I choose incorrectly.
Portia: Let’s go to the temple first. You can take your chances after dinner.
Morocco: I’ll try my luck then. I’ll either be the luckiest or the unluckiest man alive.
Trumpets play again